Macabre…ish Horror Review: Christmas Bloody Christmas
Christmas Bloody Christmas, 2022/ 1 hr 27 min
Mixed in with Christmas commercials is an ad about a RoboSanta+ that’s on display, it has a 90,000 word vocabulary, full range of motion movement and made from military grade materials. It is meant to replace and protect kids from the local degenerate mall Santas. And you can see it this weekend, exclusively, at Midland Mall.
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It’s a snowy Christmas Eve night and a local music shop manager Tori (Riley Dandy) and employee/friend Robbie (Sam Delich) decide to go out. And by out, I mean, to a very intimate gathering at a toy store with friends, Lahna (Dora Madison) and Jay (Jonah Ray), and then a bar, within walking distance.
At the toy store, T.W. Bonkers, there’s Christmas cheer and the odd ho ho ho from robot santa. Tori hates it, she hates Christmas. At a nearby bar, on tv, is the news of an international recall of RoboSanta. The RoboSanta that is currently going off script in the toy store with people still in it and currently distracted by store sex. In mid stroke, Jay is cut in half and Lahna, runs for her life.
Walking back from the bar, Tory and Robbie, can hear RoboSanta (Abraham Benrubi) slamming Lahna’s head into a display case but mistake it for the sound of the couple having sex. As they drive off, Santa, crosses the street. At Tori’s place, she and Robbie listen to some tunes and have more drinks. They spend most of the evening arguing about movies and their soundtracks.
And Santa is slowing walking closer to Tori’s house. He starts with the apartment next door and. Killing both adults and waking a child who has no idea he’s in danger because it’s Santa Claus! After asking Santa why he is so bloody, Santa starts swinging the axe and Tori sees it. And Santa sees her.
Tori wakes everyone in the house up and alerts them to the danger. And Santa, is on his way over. They can’t find a phone and so they search for keys. Tori’s annoying brother in law, Mike (Graham Skipper) is loud and barely cooperating. Suddenly, Santa crashes through the window using another victim’s remains and everybody runs for it.
Tori’s sister, Liddy (Kansas Bowling) and her husband Mike, never really stood a chance and their deaths are brutal. Outside, Tori and Robbie make it to his truck but they crash and get stuck. A neighbor whose car is hit comes outside and freaks out. He’s so fired up that he never sees Santa walk up behind him and he too is split like chord wood and he never saw it coming. His body is launched through the windshield and Robbie is dragged out of the hole.
The police arrive and fire on Santa and he thinks the threat is neutralized. Officer Davies (Elliot Gilbert) and Tori are in his car and Tori is yelling and while they’re both distracted, Santa gets up and attacks the car and Ofc. Davies. Tori takes the car and leaves, she uses the radio to tell the police Davies is dead. She runs right into his back up, the same cop from the bar, Ofc. Smith (Jeremy Smith) and they arrest her.
Back at the police department they find out just how bad it is. And another cop, Monroe (Jeff Daniel Phillips), from the bar questions Tori. And she is still yelling and they still aren’t listening. As the cops suit up, an ambulance drives their way and crashes into their cars. It’s definitely Santa. The cops go out to confront him but as usual Tori is yelling at them to get away from him and they’re ignoring her. They get some shots off but it hardly matters. He just keeps coming and all of the cops are dead.
Meanwhile, in the building, Tori is arming herself and looking for a working phone. No luck but there is a working radio. But soon the power goes out and Santa comes in. And he’s taking his time looking for survivors and tearing the place up. It’s not long before he finds Tori. She manages to escape after using a stun gun on him. But soon, he’s back on his feet.
Tori escapes in the ambulance but she’ll soon find out that she is harboring a hostile Santa. She hits the brake and jettison’s him through the windshield. She knows he’s not dead and not human so she uses the ambulance to roll another car on top of him, then lights car on fire.
Tori escapes into her shop and Santa, who now looks like scraps from a junkyard, frees himself and goes on the hunt for Tori. He’s going to find her but Tori is nothing if she’s not ready. And she comes out swinging and impales junk yard Santa with a sword and pins him to a wall. While he’s throwing sparks, trying to free himself, Tori hits him with the sprinkler system.
Santa is reduced to a literal pile of scrap and the scraps crawls after the now badly injured Tori. All she can do now is yank the cables from the wall and see if another round of electrocution will stop it.
This Santa slasher was directed by Joe Begos who also plays Benny Barnes and directed VFW. This movie has some strong characters, dialogue and crazy kills. It’s not very bloody but it is extremely graphic and the kills do not stay on screen for long. This is fast paced and action packed. Bonus points for the strong female lead! This will be a permanent title in my Christmas horror stack.
Also if you like soundtracks and/or vinyls, this is a good one!!
